Alchemisland

Lewis Carroll I’ve got puns

Secret maths and depths to plunge

Under, under, to a land of wonder

Two brothers in the land down under

Drug money, land of milk and honey

Until the rug got pulled, they got sent under

Their loud was loud as thunder

Sudden raid, trap got plundered

Yesterday got a paper court summons in the mail

Scrunched up the paper and threw it away, got binmen coming later anyway

Shredding, ripping, burning; turning to ash a paper trail

Cat got tongues

Gutrot cider

Hash gunked lungs

Feeling low, like Titanic slunk

Fivers passing hands for drugs, slung

You’ll be back once you’re stung, begging me for that dung

Injecting, shooting up then slumped, numb and dumb

Each time I see them they get dumber

Magical portrait, I get younger

Their life steel and strife, Ernst Junger

My life eternal summer and self knowing, Jung

They’re getting lean and I don’t mean Yung

I’m getting mean and I’m not doing sums

Selling methylene and amphetamines, my dealers keep Dublin unclean

Airtight packs of loud and sour

Make a noble knight a coward

Says he’ll arrive within an hour

Situation fishy as seafood chowder

In case someone is listening to this chatter, make the music louder

I’m a mystic and they’re mad hatters

Pitchcap a dipstick just for looking dour

My pinpricks make you stick thin but you stick to it like Pritt Stick

Just sold a guy I knew from Year 6 an abusive allowance

I recall that he had hurling talent

Don’t dwell on it though, absorb his bank balance

Drugs I got a phalanx, acid from Tallinn and hash from Tallaght

Ash spilling out the fag tray in the getaway Impala

Red paintwork, like the best work of Vlad the Impaler

I’m not talking boundaries, it’s lines we’re railing

I’m not talking drownings but you’re sinking down, getting paler

They’re free to go but they flock around their gaoler

Anathema to a saint my life’s painting, coke colour of a white whale’s anatomy

Made me snap so I battered him, now he’s above my chequer pattern as taxidermy

When they’re low with my earnings, I burst in shouting like R Lee Ermey

I know it hurts you but it hurts me more, I say as their house is burning

Seachange, changing lanes, lots of worms turning 

I’ve put friends in urns but I won’t let that pervert me

Now he’s hurling away togrogs, hurtling down into bog darkness

He’s gone to the dogs, selling his mistress starkers to patrons heartless

If someone’s starting, teep then tell them where is Sparta

Dogshit colour this dangerous powder

Oil of an eastern, bloodred flower

Earns me followers, it holds mad power over its swallowers

Garda put them in correction, another for their collection

Your mother my erection

My special muck’s the one selected, never neglected

Infects them, gets them legless, makes them feckless

I’m close to their hearts like a necklace

I tell a tart to neck this

The Who, guitar I wreck this

If caught, Qatar is next on the list

I’ve survived attempts, five hits

Someone protects me, all five missed

I swear I can take the form of mist

I don’t usually kiss but she insists

Eye colour grey mist or steam hissing, they miss nothing, my missus

When her dress rises, I see six six six in ink

She’s leaning over the sink, full of drink

Weekly takes more ice than a rink

Surprise you how she keeps away wrinkles

Unsurprising that she’s so sinful, needs simple

Greedy for drugs, happy to give info

Not to mention she’s a dirty nympho

Not just dudes though, happy to be sappho

Happy to be sat beside, slap the ass of another hoe

For a dab of sap or a E tab red as a santa hat

She says just drive, I ask where, she says the Styx

Left the automatic outside the laundromat, drove stick

Burning midnight oil, brought it down to the wick

Smoked so many hits and rigs that I felt sick

Killing is a gig, I have gats, BJJ and wigs, John Wick.