Alchemisland

Only problem all the damn vampires

So much dank in my van’s tank

Keep my hamster wheel clanking

Like an Amsterdam empire in the back

Doing damage to tramps, blows tinged with ire

Tongue made of fire, ravaging the camps

Running fast through the hedge, suffering cramps

Like four weeks since last needed tamps, hangtime

How I glide to hit you with a flying kick, then it’s hand time

Hard time my fists are like the penal laws, mass on a rock

Punch to the balls, giving you that Bas Rutten

Horns locking, glocks coughing, stags rutting.

---

Solving mysteries, Professor Layton

Professed occult, possessed by Satan

Behind the grated gate my padlocked fate

Is every day supposed to be this painful?

I’m going further away from stained glass and steeple

Surrounded by unfamiliar faces, ye aren’t my people

My money’s tripled like a witch’s nipple, I’m staring through a peephole

To a world that’s between waking and dreaming, if I could but reach out.

---

Awaiting responses, prayers of the faithful

Away ting’s hydroponic, teargas faceful

Anything but graceful changing lanes

Ska gig how the horns getting played

Hard sparring how you get outlaid

Can’t make the final grade if you won’t make the final trade

A different man emerges from the three day grave

Bleary-eyed, like stumbling from a three day rave

Looking at jewels through the glass

Don’t check the price, upper class

Gash asking, cash surpassing

Sit you down like the casting couch

You can do on site, no Mickey Mouse

You fell and hit your head, witnesses vouch

Ask for fighting, unleash a viking

Speedy smiting, sponsorship Nike

Expired grace period

I’m out looking for you period

Miles of rapeseed fields unreaped

Coloured orpiment, sun orb’s ore

Back lanes of Stillorgan, running ‘til sorefooted

In the lane behind what was Snoopy Snug

Used to cry there leaving my mum

Now I’m lining up lighting up a blunt of drugs.