Alchemisland

See me if you want to busy dentists, have bigger lips and smaller eyes

Look like you tussled with a beehive, ducked when you should have dived

Could have died but you survived, who upstairs wants you alive?

That desire I elide, tyres like Ezekiel skeeting

Scheming in the glide, gat slide like an active typewriter

Live the action type writer, pursestrings doing kegels tighter

In life you were a hopeless writer, talk shiter

Now you’re joining the ranks of the ghost writers

Got a skull, Hamlet or Ghost Rider

Siren’s voice strident, arch desirable

Asking me will I ride her.

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Teach you how to behave with a palm strike upward

Shave off the main sulcus, Hulking out Black Iron Tarkus KO uppercut

I am target for every muppet’s sums, I summit

Gun it in the back lane, permanently constrain you

Heavy rain dampening the sound, you hear summat?

I’m supping sulphurous chemical X, Powerpuff Girls

Umbridge to your cartilage, say hi to the brain after

Say adwokdopakdow with the brain damage.

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In my school if you were fighting

Getting a hiding after school for acting the fool

You’d shout Lakelands at your eye’s offender

Leave you wrecked fender bender

Bent over asking dust to lend you air

I grab your hair Rapunzel, say funs over

See me if you’re donating blood.

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See me after class no less than fifty lashes

You’ll need plasters for your arse

Young Man, I don’t care if your ma’s dead or alive

Or Our Lord and Savior come again

I’ll teach you not to know Latin declensions on command

With my hand’s back

Smacks coming like like a smackhead wish they would

Turning backs to Christmas pud

Back parts like a baboon

Swollen and I feel gloomy, bruises new shades cerulean

When his hand got tired he used a wooden spoon

Thought I felt a drip of drool

Fit to swoon leaving the principal’s room

Utterly caned, this made me able for Cainness

That night I drank sixteen pints of Guinness clean

Let a dreadlocked Australian called Niamh

Chupa chups consumption method on anus for ages

She’s looking at planets: Uranus, Venus fruit dish Ribena topped

Two bagged suns.

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Von Ribbentrof style drop

Botched execution anyone elecuting against my beautiful cuticle

I take my cues from masters

Rubens and Kubrick, Michelangelo with a glue stick

My cortex like gortex, impermeable nothing can penetrate permanently

I’m Alan Partridge coming up out of Carthage over the Alps with elephants

Conquer Rome then say “Jurassic Park”, calling Marc Antony a chav

Want fair winds and profit, give a child to the tophet.