Dinner party

If these dreams heavensent be

Then the cheffing there’s magnificent

Happy to break that bread unleavened

Slather mayo on the Manna but reverently

I’m not resident evil I’m resident greedy

Whatever it is, slather a pat on and feed me

Wanting fourths waiter won’t heed me, know he sees me

Do I sound like a man who had all he could eat?

Call me Bottomless Pete, Depthful Ste, Appetite Andrew, Fullmouth Dee

Digestive dreadnought in odd socks pulling up at Camden Lock

Wearing wolf pelts and brandishing axes, asking is this Glendalough

I’m opening up a new chippy serving fish from the Liffey

Nippy crabs bathed in apricots, cotted in haricot verts

Swaddled by ears of boxer’s cauliflower, crunchy sharp taste

Like licking blades

Or eating thousand year old petrified mushrooms you find.


Meeting Dionysus, he says drink to discern the mysteries

Makes me a priest of Eleusis there and then

Guarding his glade Easter to Michaelmas

My angel-given glaive stays invaders

I’m breathing like Darth Vader on sports day after the first fray

Of a ten scrap melee, how I loathe tourney format

Needed my armour stretched, fastens printing bands on the gut

Marbled inside but outside a walking boulder, marvel

Glut in arms and armour

Sight to see fighting, awe-prying even deniers

Duck dive keen clean, surprisingly agile for a fat guy

I smile a lot but I’ve got a shark’s guile

Expecting at eight, ringing off with a smile

I’ve got rings on every finger

Cross at my chest like a leatherbound bible on a hotel bedside

No less a primer, no less divine, for interest’s lack

Dogs sit below me when I eat, catching tasty flak

If we fought world war two with burgers insteada bullets

I’d have ordered another few, we all would

Eat let’s not less.


Are what you eat, don’t remember eating so much genius

Smoke a lot of weed though, supreme priest of green

So forgetting wouldn’t surprise, I rise from the hippocrene

After a long deep drink and have a long deep think about my Limericks

I care more about my lyrics than I do about living

As an alchemist watches his alembic for changes

So I must be languid and solitary for long stretches, noting differences

Your unwanted entrances swiftly enrage me

My tone barely containing hatred fails to convey my loathing thereof

I love you, dear, more than most but not more than anything

Not more than I love myself vanishing in a vanquishment of verbs

That is my flourishing, nourishment, flowering and devourment

Taking this, for even one instance, is to rob me of all power

Finding true expression only in my lessened self, rare that hour!

To suddenly be wrenched from monomania, losing Xanadu

You ask me do I want a coffee and I do but I hate you for it.


I wait hours, days even, worrying my shipment will not arrive

Bassanio on the shore awaiting laden vessels

In sooth I know not why I am so sad

In pursuit of source have gone quite mad

Sorry to my dad, whose plans I neither asked nor longed fulfilled

Sorry to my plants, who I failed to water, and whose frail limbs

Even now cling to life by the faintest silken thread, ill things.


It arrives then like a flood from God, every dog impatient before it

Flurrying words like prize tickets

Driving upon curbs to hail them

Yielding curses as vendors fall into the road

I must await patiently an egg’s arrival, let alone one hatching

Long long long boring nothing

Suddenly action more than one wished sanctioned.


See your scuttling hand and force it back

Abundant as City of London, surfeit what you lack

I scoop up the bill like Lacrosse, mob boss shit

Stare at all my guests down the table, like the Passion

Another year in fashion surpassing, cutlassing the champer’s neck

Lick her neck like the rim of a wine glass girdled with microdot acid

I’m hearing your noteless Fantasia

Bottle farts and men will pay you

Bombastic swelling motifs, cheeks flush when you look up

Yours or mine

Wanna ask you that at the end of tonight

Hold the door, top of the taxi line

It’s fucking fantastic, guts and arms elastic

My inner windlass turns, lash the wind to my jodhpurs

Know this might be odd but think I might be God’s son

We can’t be sure until I’m back, but keep up the practice

Drink the wine, no you’re not vampires, be to others example.


Dog chewing on a fifty quid hambone

In wit, landed fifty crits and my clip still got ammo

When I hear it click or jam, I out the rambo I used to cut the roast open

Used be the most hopeful, now I’m the cunt with the stuff that’s notable

Stuffing fiver notes up nose, testing that coke’s potable, Colombian opal

Wore blue crocs anticipating meat sweats, and a stripey vest

Looking like a gay sailor ready to swab decks

My guests, different to yesterday’s, feign interest, laughing at my jests

Yellow corn Elysian teasing my mouth ceiling

See it again tomorrow, hear it pinging off the porcelain

Find it that appealing

I’m the revered preacher in residence here, revered for cleaning feet

Feature of this church since, well not quite B.C.

Look upon my unpleasing feature, pitiful creature

Call me an unworthy shepherd, see me dead to highlight err

I am a scapegoat, meeting bravely inescapable fate.


Dreaming things edible esculent

Culinary medicine delectable tastificant

By day taste’s miser, gruel water and hard tack only

Sleeping I inhabit an oneiric epicurean

My fancies come as cured ham

Fat man’s fantasies, weighing in lbs 118

Seen heavier turkeys, eaten heavier jerkies, but only whilst asleep

Tossing in my chamber, wondering spinach or rocket

Meals in cooking frowns inspiring, much fretted over

No! That milk is over, that meat is foetid; oh move over

Send not a drover to do a shepherd’s job

Send not a Moses to Gomorrah and Sodom

Fatty lumps of succulent rump, boiling broths frothing over.


Lean cuts of bacon as grace my plate

Make a Vegan wanna taste, kneel to Rimmon can’t maintain God’s grace

But those ribs are glazed, parted from the rack like paid wages

Like Eve peeled away from Adam after recalcitrant Lilith was sent away

Eden is too early for suffragettes, even Pankhurst agrees

We’re having butter-stuffed English Muffins, pancakes

Hunks of bread with crusty black flanks, save me the heel

I dip it in olive grease, appealing to the Gods of the Greek

Whose breath in satisfaction makes a breeze that stirs the wheat

Water jug cold and clear, feeling like I could dip my feet in

Dive to the lapis deep end, the bravest diver Irish

What would I find, what would my dictys keep

Hunger creeps up and away just as fast

Whip up a batch of quail eggs and mayonnaise, be quick about it

Needed more apple segments in my Waldorf salad but it wasn’t too bad

Pomes like gilded planets, slice of eggplant like stamped bad banana

Beside peppered eggs like fit to burst solar blisters

Chef kiss my fingers like upon the cheek of my sisters in greeting

Feeling Grecian eating peeled apple lunula

I should get a Toga and little boots Caligula.


Music is classy, Dvorak suites

Cannabis infused jelly beans pyramided on a gleaming brass platter

Someone asked how many, I didn’t glance, answered it didn’t matter

First movement of the Moonlight Sonata

Conducting with my arm like I had a ghost orchestra

Clicking like Sinatra, goth chick with a split tongue telling me about Tantra

She wears legging as pants, looking like Logan’s Run

Hate that anonymous look, I slug down another finger of glug and look up

You across the room, brighter bulb looking sultry seductive

Unfit for selvedge, dress hem most distant from your heel

I am stirred like Achilles hearing his lover’s death

My breath rhythmless seeks pattern

Dancefloor pattern chequerboard like a Van or a Masonic Lodge

Two stepping malevolent dodging revellers

Boogey to your side, caught in headlights

Make me roadkill, maybe overkill but composed you three hundred odes

Tell she wants to go but not with me, wrote some of it but not this scene

Manifesting badly, broadcast full of static, she’s 4K I’m ceephax

Step back, need a stimpack, she’s wearing a skimpy backless black dress

Looks like an actress awaiting interview, somebody who knows Brad Pitt

Magnetic I am a knacker really, Brad Pitt but in Snatch, most unworthy.

Leave a comment