Came here on holiday to get away from blokes like him
Beer foam moustache crowning upcurled lips creased asneer
More lines than Newcastle’s jersey designer had in mind
Tab-green fingers pick away at a full English, Benson same time
Glass of white wine nine in the morning or else they’ll get divorced
Forcing her to listen to the plot of the book he bought at Luton airport; spoilers
Tom Clancy’s ghostwriter’s Harrier Force, soon to be made into a film starring Harrison Ford.
Northron citizen taking a city break, airport Burger King breakfast
Left hail-place Bolton behind
BA flight climbing skyward to Iberian climes
Get here and cannot swan first inch of a mile
Without seeing crooked British smiles
Christ, I’d prefer swimming Bolton Strid
Cannot be rid of them.
I see one skinhead geezer
Skin shade mustard squeezer
Asking how much gins cost in quid
Does squid come with chips?
Squirt red on it
Beer-bellied adonis in Adidas trunks
Tanked on stella artois and burnt black
Moth like Esio Trot’s owner staring daggers at thots
Shrieks “it’s bloomin’ ‘ot!”
A hollering lollardi Brits on ‘olidee
Lollypop-slobbering for chips, only hobby: drinks
When Tiesto kicks in, it’s air punches and hissing intz intz intz.
Alchemisland 
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