Alchemisland

I can’t never get no satisfaction

Phallus rusted with long inaction

Of every whole I get but fraction

My mirror soul is lightning fractured.

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My packs are packed cling wrapped

You a gentled hawk with wing clipped

I’m a wing commander goat, goldlipped

My stealth bombers provoke no radar blip

My spud shooters got potato clips

My poker chips at risk at tipping over

Eclipsing other stacks

Choosing beggars my doorknocker rapped

I’m a burger man anoint the baps

Call me printer first-class booty slapper

In my burger van before the Snapper

My partners big bapped with waps

Best in class at getting mashed

My master puns are getting laughs

When I was young they called me capper

Senior infants twice, now got lines Kappa

Koopa coloured my confusing blossoms

So harsh you’ll need to suck lozenges

Joints thicker than Cumberland sausages

Meet my demands or shoot the hostages

More feared than Kapa Barsavi

Free drinks call me bar savvy

I was a teen when HMV became Zavvi

I was a fiend once I started the za za

Tsa Tsa jealous how busy my bed

How busy my wordstamped head

Broke bakers rabid for my daily bread.

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Marched to the beat of my own tune

Now on my signal their r-dials attune

A piss pantser in the classroom

Only eight years out of the womb

Thick so had to do senior infants twice 

Couldn’t get easy maths stick in my mind

No matter how often they chide 

They’ll never get me to try

I’ve got fewer tries than cancelled rugby

I’ve told fewer lies coz I’m Forrest Gumpy

You’ll sleep with guppies

Be made quick duppies

That’s my bride there, I’m her hubby.