Alchemisland

Swan when I wear it, sworn when I swear it

Pops when I don it, props when I Don it

Head currently holeless like faulty donut

Do not approach or blood splat yoghurt

You’ll get reproached, sent home soaked

Tell your blokes I’ll wet their coats

Send redcoats flying back to boats

But I’ve burnt the coast, made a million ghosts

Not a single boast wasn’t backed by road

I’m raising glass like I’m making toast 

Smashed to razors I’m slashing throats

Your tattered coat like a bin bag broke

Stomped your gob like a finished smoke

I’ve finished blokes with ninja chokes

Broken arms with swift lock holds

My flintlock goes, its barrel your last O

You pretty things will soon be ming

Like Smeagol strung out on the Ring

Your warbling I’m in my war bling

Jewelled and tooled up I war bring

Your last hope got the last bus to Glasthule

Heard you’ve a glass jaw, class A twat tool

Your bird looks like a creature

Going home is her best feature

Your toilet after beef I feed ya

More stool than cookiejar reacher

Never seen you around here either

Nosy enough for a mouth breather 

Type we need to breed out

Pig’s sow only short snout

Who likes the shorts now 

Since you got knees shot

Who like the shirts now

Since you got arm chopped.